Coaching Postmoderns

One of the greatest benefits of teaching is hanging out with students and learning from them. One morning, many years ago, a young graduate student stuck his head into my office and asked what I knew about deconstructionism and postmodernism. I had no idea what he was talking about but I soon learned. The student coached me in finding things to read. We talked about his generation, the non-traditional ways in which even seminary students were thinking, and the apparent irrelevance of much that he was learning from his professors. During his years in graduate school I learned a lot from that student.

            I’m still learning. I like hanging out with learners, innovators, young leaders and people who are not like me. They keep me connected with what’s going on and they challenge me to think about ways in which the world – including the world of coaching – is being pushed to change. I’ve learned how the postmodern way of thinking has penetrated the culture and moved us beyond the structured, fact-oriented, scientific approaches that characterized what some have called modernism. Condemned by some and ignored by others, postmodernism has taken hold most firmly in people who are younger. Many may know nothing about postmodernism but they live out its philosophy.

            Rick is an example. We go to the same fitness club and sometimes talk informally in the locker room. Rick is 23, a college graduate who works in a coffee shop and lives at home because it is cheaper. He works hard at his job, apparently pays his bills, and likes to party on the weekends. He enjoys hanging out with his friends, checks his text messages constantly, plays in a band, and describes himself as “living in a eco friendly, save the environment, fight for Tibet, serve people, recycle everything type of culture.” Rick says he’s interested in spirituality but he doesn’t care for the church. Despite a degree in computer science, he has no vocational goals and assumes that “it will all work out whenever.” He finds it “interesting” that I am a coach and suggested that coaching might be good for him sometime. But right now Rick is “just trying to find” himself and “figure out life.”

            How do we coach with people like Rick who aren’t likely to connect with the getting-from-here-to-there linear models of coaching that have emerged from the results-oriented world of business?

• Recognize that for many of us coaching postmodern people is like reaching across cultures. If we don’t understand the new culture we will not be effective in working with the natives. 
• Commit to building trust and relationships before and during coaching.  
• Respect community so that we are open to interactive group coaching experiences where people work together in relationship with others. Many postmoderns prefer to find accountability in a community of mentors and friends with whom they share life.
• Be real (in no way phony), transparent, willing to learn, flexible, humble, never paternalistic, affirming, patient, available and comfortable talking about our own experiences including our failures.
• Understand that postmodern people may care little about our training or certification but care a lot about our authenticity and our willingness to connect and show respect.
• Use stories frequently and encourage the people we coach to think of how they can develop new stories for their own lives.
• Move away from messages that emphasize success, vision casting and steps toward goals – at least until we know how each person (don’t call them clients) views these things.    
• Recognize the importance of values, self discovery, meaning and reflections on careers, relationships, spirituality, and life.
• Be open to innovations like finding creative ways to use technology, social networks, text messages, art, or imagery.
• Engage more interactively with people in coaching rather than staying rigidly with the traditional approach that waits for them to come up with all the answers.
• Rethink what it means to be a Christian coach. This might mean engaging postmoderns in discussions about spirituality before focusing more on Christianity. It also means letting them see a Christ-follower who has a faith that works and who demonstrates compassion for the poor or marginalized.
• Be cautious about using the word “coach” because of its association with athletics. “Guide” might be a better word. I most often talk about “journeying” together.

            Might it be that some of our methods need to be changed so they connect better with people who aren’t much interested in traditional views of success, don’t think in linear ways and might not respond to accepted methods of coaching? Maybe we need to move away from models that build on the business ways of thinking and develop new approaches around postmodern values of experience, community, and authenticity. Most often postmoderns don’t buy the idea that coaching leads to greater productivity and then to success. They have seen this model lead to driven lifestyles, broken homes, greed, insensitivity to others and destroyed lives. This is a generation that is willing to replace power and the drive for success with authenticity and fulfillment. What does that say about the way we coach in a world of postmodern thinking?

Where is the Newsletter?

This post is taken from Christian Coaching Magazine and was published in an issue earlier this year. You can subscribe to this monthly publication at www.christiancoachingmag.com.

The Gary Collins Newsletter now appears at www.peoplebuilder-wordpress.com. This is Gary's new blog. To read the newsletter and/or to subscribe so the newsletter so it goes to your inbox every week, go to the people builder blog and click on the subscribe icon, upper right.

BEATING PRESENTATION PANIC

I was late for class one day so I rushed into the room, hurried down the aisle, missed a step and fell flat on my face. The room went silent. Was I hurt? Before anyone could come to my assistance I rolled over, sat up, and joked about how a dramatic entrance is a good way to get attention.

If you've ever been on a platform, taught a class, led a group or done any counseling you know that the unexpected sometimes happens. Even experienced speakers and peak performers encounter problems at times. Last month, Apple CEO Steve Jobs was presenting the new iPhone 4 to a large international audience. Suddenly the new device stopped working. Jobs calmly acknowledged the problem, shifted to a backup plan and kept going. A few days later Macworld.com (June 11, 2010) distributed a message describing what Jobs did and listing ways for all of us to "beat presentation panic." Consider these:

• Try not to panic. Glitches make everybody feel tense and uncomfortable. If the presenter stays calm the audience relaxes. Steve Jobs rehearses well before speaking. He knows his material. When the phone did not work he acknowledged the problem, asked his technical aids and audience volunteers for assistance and kept going with another part of his presentation.
• Use humor. This diffuses audience insecurity and concerns about the speaker. I have tripped on stage more than once. In every case I've joked about it and then gone on with my talk.   
• Be sensitive to the audience. One time a man had a heart attack when I was speaking. I asked for a doctor or nurse, prayed as the man was taken from the room, made some sensitive comments and eased back into my presentation. If something makes the audience feel uncomfortable this needs to be acknowledged before you move forward.
• Have backup plans. I always bring copies of my slides and have two computers ready in case one doesn't work.

Consider this: "The ability to deal with glitches distinguishes between a good presenter and one who is below average."  How have you dealt with presentation glitches? Please click on comments and let us know.

LESSONS FROM APPLE

About three years ago I yielded to the pressure. My enthusiastic Mac-user friends (they're all enthusiastic) convinced me to buy a Mac. I still use my trusted PC desktop but increasingly I've moved into the world of Apple. It's "the coolest company anywhere," according to a Fast Company (July/August 2010) cover story. It's "the largest company in the tech universe and the second largest in the nation" so what can we learn from Apple and CEO Steve Jobs? Here are conclusions adapted from Fast Company.

• Think differently. I know a struggling church that has invited the retired founding pastor to set direction for the future. This sounds like going back to the past for ideas that no longer work. In contrast, Apple thinks creatively, plans carefully, looks to the future, and keeps everyone surprised.
• Just say no. Some exciting opportunities are not worth pursuing. Be cautious. Saying no can be a wise decision.  
• Serve your customers. The same is true with your students, church members, audiences, newsletter readers or your kids. Caring for others builds trust, creativity, and effectiveness.
• Envision the future. Apple stays on the edge of what's technologically possible, willing to try things that have not been done before. This is difficult, maybe only for visionaries and risk takers. But maybe for you.
• Communicate creatively. Steve Jobs is a masterful communicator. He prepares meticulously and practices passionately. His presentations can be powerful...until something goes wrong. That happened in a speech last month but Jobs recovered beautifully. How do we recover when things go wrong, especially when we're on a platform? That's a lesson from Steve Jobs that we summarize in next week's letter. 
  

In his hard-hitting book Crush It! Gary Vaynerchuk describes passion as "the one thing that interests you most in the world." It’s whatever fulfills and motivates you, Passion dominates your thinking, your work, your talk and even the way you relax. It's doing what you love more than anything else. If you never find your passion, life can be boring and unfulfilling. If you think you know your passion here is Vaynerchuk’s test for you to be “absolutely certain:” List at least fifty blog topics that you could write concerning the passion that invigorates you most.

I have been thinking about Vaynerchuk’s book ever since I introduced it in an earlier newsletter (#380). The author stimulates readers to think about their own passions and, indirectly, what God has called each of us to do. For years I thought that my passion was people helping. In 1976 I even wrote a still-in-print book titled How to Be a People Helper. But Vaynerchuk's book nudged me into thinking that while people helping is still of great interest, I’m more passionate about people building. I would guess that most readers of this newsletter are committed to people building as well. Isn't that the essence of counseling, coaching, leadership, teaching, ministry and the other passions that most of us and many of our clients embrace?

Recently I announced some changes in this newsletter. The format will change but the focus will continue to be on people building. To keep getting the newsletter in your inbox, you will need to resubscribe. If you have done this already there is no need to do it again. But if you have not done so  you can resubscribe by entering your current email address in the upper right near the words: Email Subscription. If you forget to do this, the newsletter will stop coming to you after July 15. And before you leave, please leave a comment letting us know what you do to be a people builder

NEWSLETTER CHANGES

On June 27, 2002 the first Gary Collins newsletter was sent to a few of my friends. From the beginning I have tried to keep this weekly letter relevant, interesting, easy to read, concise and free of advertising. That will continue but from the start I have had a major frustration. The letter has been a one-way communication with no easy way for you to respond or to interact with other readers. That is about to change. 

The June 2010 Harvard Business Review focuses on change. "The new normal means constant change," writes the HBR editor. "Companies [and presumably universities, churches, organizations, leaders and people helpers] must reinvent themselves if they want to survive." This does not always happen, but changes can bring greater productivity, efficiency, creativity, relevance and energy. There even can be value in "change for change's sake," according to one HBR article. The longer things are done in the same old ways, the more rigidity sets in, innovation declines, interests become entrenched, and communication stalls. Of course there are core values, ethics, and biblical beliefs that do not and should not change. But we become stogy and irrelevant if we ignore the cultural, environmental, technological and relational changes that increasingly define the world where God has put us to live and make a difference.

This newsletter is about building people. (We'll say more on that next week). It's about trends, leadership, caregiving and change, like the changes that we introduce today. Between now and mid-July you will continue to receive the newsletter in your inbox. Then it will stop coming unless you resubscribe. To do so is easy. Click the last word in this paragraph and you will go to a blog where the newsletter appears in a new format. Subscribe by inserting your email address in the upper right corner near the words Email Subscription. That's all. The letter will keep coming to your mailbox but the new format will let you respond easily if you want to do so. To resubscribe and keep the letter coming, please click here.

COUNCIL OF DADS

Bruce Feiler is a journalist and best selling author who was diagnosed with cancer when his twin daughters were only three. The doctors predicted a difficult year of treatment with a strong possibility that he would not recover. The young father wondered what this would mean to his daughters if they grew up without his support, without knowing their dad or hearing his voice.

"Would they yearn for my approval, my love, my voice?" Feiler wrote. Then he thought of a way to give them his voice. He would reach out to six men, each of whom represented a different part of his life including his interests in adventure, travel, business and communicating. Apart from his family, these were the men who knew him best, shared his values, and could be his voice if he was gone. These men could give his daughters advice and experiences, tell them what he would be thinking, let them know how proud he would be. He called them "The Council of Dads."

Like a captivating novelist, Feiler tells his story in The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could be Me. I was stimulated and so moved by the book that I sent copies as Fathers Day gifts to some of the young dads and emerging leaders I know who walk with me, let me coach them and teach me from their experiences. My kids are grown. They don't need a council of dads and neither do I.

But do I need a council of advisors, people who know my voice and can guide me in how I live and make decisions? And what about you, your closest friends, your clients or your children? Could they benefit from surrounding themselves with a council of dads, moms or other key people who know them well and can be their guides and informal coaches? Who would be chosen to be on these councils? What would they be asked to do? To get started read Feiler's book or check out www.councilofdads.com.

WELL BEING, PERFORMANCE AND PRODUCTIVITY

"Human beings [leaders and graduate students included] don't work like computers; they can't operate at high speeds continually, running multiple programs at once." This is the conclusion of researcher-author-consultant Tony Schwartz writing about productivity and peak performance in Harvard Business Review (June, 2010). Individuals and organizations perform at their peak when they stop trying to run like high speed, always-on computers and instead alternate between intense focus and intermittent times for replenishing their energy. Employees are more productive and engaged in their jobs when they combine hard work with deliberate times to meet four core needs:

• Physical health, achieved through nutrition, exercise, consistent sleep, and daytime periods for renewal,
• Emotional well-being which includes feeling appreciated and able to communicate effectively,
• Mental clarity - the ability to focus intensely, prioritize and think creatively, and
• Spiritual significance which comes from "serving a mission" beyond oneself.

Maybe this is old news except that people in many work cultures (including those who work at home) give a nod to the need for renewal strategies but then go back to pushing themselves and others to act like high-memory hard drives.

Well Being, a new book from the Gallup organization backs up this focus on rejuvenation. In a recently-reported comprehensive study, Gallup researchers attempted to define and measure well-being: what lets us thrive and makes life worthwhile and fulfilling. Surprising to me, the Gallup's "five essential elements" of well-being (career, social, financial, physical and community well-being) made only passing reference to the impact of spirituality and beliefs in the supernatural. The researchers tested hundreds of questions that led to their five elements but belief related questions and spirituality never emerged on their well-being list.

What did emerge was a conclusion that the biggest single threat to well-being tends to be ourselves. "Without even giving it much thought we allow our short term decisions to override what's best for our long-term well-being" and what's best for our overall productivity and performance. Well-being research can have significant influence on our personal lives, ministries and work as people builders.

EXTREME FEAR

I had never heard of science writer Jeff Wise until I read one of his articles and decided to get his latest book. Extreme Fear: The Science of Your Mind in Danger describes the physiological and psychological aspects of fear and trauma. The book's subject matter is fascinating but equally interesting is how this master journalist turns hard-to-grasp neurophysiology into language that connects with readers and communicates effectively.

I rarely read a book or listen to a speaker without observing how the message is communicated. Learning from others is a helpful way to improve our skills in teaching, writing, leading, and making a difference. Extreme Fear is about terror, anxiety, danger and the brain's inner workings. It's also about communicating well. It's about connecting with words and verbally painting pictures even without images or power point slides. Jeff Wise:

• Uses captivating stories.  Examples include a woman defending herself against a mountain lion and a pilot struggling to control his plane as a wing begins to detach.
• Is a researcher who does his homework. He knows the research on fear and brings this into his writing frequently and effectively.
• Gets involved with his subject matter without losing objectivity. To better understand fear research that studied first-time sky-divers, Wise volunteered to jump out of an airplane wearing sensors so he could experience what the research subjects felt.
• Applies the research in practical ways that teach readers how to arm themselves and others against everyday fears.
  

The theme of Psychotherapy Networker (January 2010) was "Psychotherapy and the Brain: Are We Entering a New Era of Practice?" The articles argued that people helpers and leaders can be more effective if they understand nervous system physiology including how brains process trauma, change and decision making. Clearly written books and articles help build that understanding. We can't all communicate like Jeff Wise. Sometimes we shouldn't try. Research publications and formal lectures require a different style of communicating. But many problems, problem solving and career building issues relate to the brain and demand exceptionally clear communication, especially when our messages are difficult to share and grasp. 

BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS

Last week's newsletter described how some leaders unintentionally stifle their employees, clients, students, parishioners or other followers. Leaders who stifle others are called diminishers in Harvard Business Review article (May, 2010) titled "Bringing Out the Best in Your People." Based on a series of in-depth interviews and behavior analyses covering four continents, researchers Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown discovered that diminisher leaders underutilize people and suppress or ignore their creativity, capabilities and ideas. The diminisher leader likes to be in control. He or she is a micro-manager who needs to be seen as "the smartest, most capable person in the room," the decision maker who gives directives and makes the decisions. These diminishers squelch morale and ultimately drive away talented people, especially those who are younger.

In contrast to diminishers, multipliers are leaders who bring out the best in others. They lead (teach or coach) by:

• Managing talent. Multipliers pull others "into their orbit with the explicit understanding that accelerated development is part of the deal." Multipliers attract talented people, acknowledge their capabilities and use them to their highest potential. 
• Creating a productive environment. Multipliers explicitly encourage people to think, speak, express bold ideas and take action. These leaders are not controlling tyrants. Instead they are motivators who stimulate the best thinking and action in others.
• Setting direction. This is not top-down instruction. Multipliers ask hard questions encourage creative thinking and stretch their people to come up with fresh and innovative solutions to problems.
• Engaging people. Multiplier leaders cultivate debate, stimulate rigorous interaction, and give individuals or team members a chance to express their ideas and possibilities for action.
• Coaching. This involves encouraging self-sufficiency, decision making and action. It means asking insightful questions that encourage others to "stop, think, and then rethink." Ask questions to clarify issues, dig deeper into promising ideas, and determine next steps.
  

Multiplier leadership stimulates mental and physical energy bringing more of the fresh ideas that facilitates success. How can you lead, teach, and coach like a multiplier?  

UNINTENTIONAL STIFLING

In spite of good intentions, can leaders (including professors, coaches, mentors, and managers) inadvertently hold people back? The May 2010 Harvard Business Review includes several articles on engaging, managing and coaching high-potential, emerging young leaders. In four years Millennials - people born between 1977 and 1997 - will account for nearly half the employees in the world. These people, and the Generation X and Y that came before them, have grown up and will lead in a world of rapid, incessant change. Styles of leadership and teaching that worked a few years ago are becoming increasingly ineffective. Some bosses, leaders and seminar speakers aren't aware of this. They want to build up others but unintentionally they stifle their followers instead. Consider the following indications that you might be an unintentional people-repressor. (In the interest of full disclosure I confess that these all can apply to me. I'm working to be more sensitive).

• You're a visionary. You like to set direction for the future and inspire others to follow. You think you're motivating and being a forward looking leader. But you haven't encouraged your team to get involved in the vision casting, shaping an even better vision and thinking through the challenges themselves. You're not tapping into their brainpower so they withdraw and often feel disengaged from what they perceive as your project. Lacking motivation these people stifle their input and look to move, work or serve someplace else. 
• You talk too much. You're passionate, enthusiastic and articulate so you dominate meetings. You think you are being inspirational and informative, sharing a passion that's infectious. In reality your talk is smothering and squelching potential growth and creativity. 
• You're creative. You're always thinking of new ideas, assuming that this sparks creativity. Instead it can create pressure as others try to keep up with the new ideas and have no time to develop their own creativity.

Many high potential people want opportunities to collaborate, make decisions, take risks, and connect with mentors and coaches who guide by asking questions and stimulating thinking rather than by giving enthusiastic or top-down direction. Think about it. What makes these generational differences?

WOMEN GET SAD. MEN GET MAD

Scientific American Mind magazine recently devoted an entire issue (May/June 2010) to differences between male and female brains. According to the magazine, textbooks on psychiatry and abnormal psychology tend to be gender neutral, ignoring male-female differences in symptoms of mental disorders and responses to treatment. For example, clinicians have long assumed that psychiatric medications work equally well in both genders so there was no concern when studies of antidepressant drugs used mostly male subjects. Only later was it discovered that sex hormones, estrogen and testosterone, interact differently with the medications. Antidepressants like Prozac, Zoloft and Lexapro work best in the presence of estrogen. This means that these drugs are more effective in women than in men. (Males respond better to drugs like Tofranil and Wellbutrin).

Of special interest to mental health professionals and family members might be the finding that symptoms are expressed differently in men and women. For women the primary emotion of depression is sadness. In men, depression shows itself as anger, irritability, frustration and restlessness: women get sad, men get mad. Compared to women, men are less likely to seek help for their depression so they carry it inside and more often get impatient, lash out at others, or deal with their inner turmoil by attempting suicide. Compared to their wives, many men resist the depression label, resist treatment and determine to "slug it out" on their own.

Probably most of us agree in gender-equality when it comes to equal opportunities and treatment in the workplace or elsewhere. For Christian believers there is no distinction between male and female; we are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28). But counselors, coaches, leaders and others risk showing bias and accepting distorted perceptions when they fail to recognize biological differences in their clients, especially in male and female brains.

REVISITING THE NUN STUDY

Almost 25 years ago, psychologist David Snowdon began an innovative investigation about who gets Alzheimer's disease and why. Known as the "Nun Study," researchers worked with 678 older Roman Catholic sisters who volunteered to let their cognitive, social, motor and other abilities be evaluated as they grew older. A majority even donated their brains for dissection following their deaths. Summaries of the research papers and updates on the current status of the study are available at www.nunstudy.org. But most fascinating is Snowdon's captivating book Aging with Grace. It's an older book, not the kind of news that normally appears in this space. But it's worth reading how the author so skillfully reports his research and weaves this together with warm and moving stories of the dedicated, spiritual women who participated. All had dedicated their lives to helping and teaching others. They agreed to participate with hopes that this would help future generations better understand the aging process and live more fulfilling and productive lives. Some conclusions go far beyond Alzheimer's and have relevance for coaches, counselors, leaders and others who interact with adults as they get older:

• Consistent optimism and gratitude seem to prolong life and reduce the risk of Alzheimer's. Habitual anger and hostility are known risk factors for heart disease. Depression is a risk factor for both heart disease and strokes. Preventing depression and strokes is a key to avoiding Alzheimer's.
• There are exceptions, of course, but nuns with a college degree had a better chance of surviving to old age, maintaining independence and resisting the symptoms of Alzheimer's. Building cognitive ability and a richer vocabulary in childhood may impact the brain in ways that protect against Alzheimer's in late life. 
• Autopsies show that about one third of the sisters who had Alzheimer's, including widespread brain damage, showed no symptoms.
• The Nun Study did not measure this empirically but two additional issues apparently contribute to a long and healthy life: deep spirituality and membership in a supportive community. Emotional support, including listening and talking in a affirmative way, can slow the development of disabilities.

iSEMINARIES AND DISTANCE LEARNING

As a beginning college professor, I once taught a course about the psychology of learning. Even then we knew the ineffectiveness of students sitting in rows, passively taking notes, facing instructors who gave one-way presentations, often reading from their notes or from words projected onto screens. Sometimes I wonder if much has changed. 

In a posting titled "The iSeminary Cometh" (April 23, 2010) Christianity Today magazine describes how theological education is changing as more classes are taught on line. Some of these courses differ little from traditional classes. Students sit passively in front of computers reading words or listening to monologues from professors. But increasingly, higher education (including seminaries) involves innovative learning principles. Once again this summer I'll teach an on-line course in coaching, part of a fully accredited distance-learning PhD program in the Regent University School of Psychology and Counseling. This course demands more work from the professor and involves more student interaction and involvement than many in-class courses. My students and I interact together in real time on line and are in almost daily contact. Students continue to live in their communities, work at their jobs, and apply their learning in their work. Is this inferior education as some distance-learning critics insist?

Research will tell but some evidence suggests that on-line learning is superior to traditional classroom experiences. Superior or not, the tsunami of Internet technology and the realities of on-campus education costs is changing and probably improving the way we teach. Despite some holdouts, most institutions of higher education recognize this.

Certainly some distance learning is poor and simplistic. Established instructors may fear new technology and resist the ilearning movement. It is true that getting together with other learners can be useful. (At Regent, the Internet students meet on campus once a year to interact face-to-face). Some potential learners lack access to sophisticated technology but this is changing. Even now the more creative distance programs involve students and professors, working in partnerships but from their homes around the world.

PASSION, BUSINESS AND SOCIAL NETWORKS

Several weeks ago (January 30-February 5) The Economist published a special report on social networking. I found it boring and not very enlightening. In contrast, a recent New York Times best seller by Gary Vaynerchuk is lively, inspiring, sometimes abrasive, and filled with what one needs to know about using social networks to disseminate ideas and connect with other people.

The book Why Now is the Time to Crush It! Cash in on your Passion came to may attention because a trusted friend recommended that I read it. The author shows how traditional advertising, newspapers, books, television, and business are all being changed by the Internet. He argues that anyone with a passion can build a brand, develop a business and/or spread a message by understanding and using social networking. The book reflects egotistical values and hype that could alienate some readers but Vaynerchuyk is incredibly practical in showing how even novices (like me) can harness the power of the Internet to communicate widely and effectively. This book may be worth reading even if your only goal is to understand the developing power of contemporary social media. Here are some random ideas:

• Take some time to get a clear picture of your passion. This is what you enjoy doing, maybe more than anything else in the world.
• Become an expert in your area of passion.
• Ponder how you could best communicate your ideas to others. Start by developing great content. Try to make it the best available.
• Then decide on a platform for delivering your messages. Best bet may be a video, audio and/or written blog. Forget one-way communication tools (including newsletters like this one). Make two way interaction easy and interesting.
• If you don't understand social networking get help from somebody who does.
• Focus on building connections with others. Business opportunities could appear but if your main motivation is making money, "you won't keep it up. It's too much work. You will get tired and frustrated." Eventually it will fold.
• Do you think this is worth considering?

THE IMPACT OF ENVY

Why would a business magazine publish an article on envy (Harvard Business Review, April 2010)? The answer is that "envy - the distress people feel when others get what they want- is both universal" and inclined to intensify in times of economic crisis.

"Envy sabotages the performance of a company or organization (churches included). It damages relationships, disrupts teams, and can undermine self-confidence and careers. Envy is difficult to manage because most of us have difficulty admitting that we harbor a socially unacceptable emotion. Individuals distance themselves from the people they envy, often make self-disparaging comparisons, and begin to focus on their own insecurities. Envy stimulates negativity that spreads through whole organizations. What can coaches, counselors or others do to stop it? According to HBR:

• Help individuals pinpoint the circumstances and qualities in others that trigger envy. What does this reveal about recognizing and dealing with our own anxieties and insecurities?
• Discourage comparisons. Instead, help team members and counseling clients be aware of their own God-given strengths, successes, capabilities and accomplishments.
• Try to stimulate a culture of mutual encouragement, an environment where different people do different things so there is less inclination to make comparisons.
• Recognize that envy is controllable. "By reflecting on your vulnerable moments and practicing new habits, you can turn a harmful emotion into a means of improving both your own performance and your team's"
• Re-read Galatians 5:19-23. Envy is listed with some strongly negative attitudes and practices but it can be controlled by the Holy Spirit's influence in our lives.
• And it can be handled better when it is admitted and discussed with a caring friend, coach or counselor. 

COACHING THE COACHES

Within the United States, and probably elsewhere, about half the young people between 6 and 18 participate in athletics. Most of them have athletic coaches, the majority of whom have never been trained to coach effectively. Often these coaches are parents, teachers and adult athletes who have good intentions but who assume that the best way to coach is to be tough, demanding and inclined to shout like the coaches we sometimes see on television or in the movies.

That doesn't work well according to Ronald E. Smith and Frank L. Smoll, two psychologists profiled by Monitor on Psychology (April, 2010) in an article titled "Coaching the Coaches." The most effective coaching is not built on fear, conclude these researchers who have trained (coached) more than 25,000 coaches in the Seattle area. What works best are "techniques that foster motivation and effort, develop athletic skills and reduce anxiety." Known as the Mastery Approach to Coaching, this assumes that the "best way to maximize performance is by creating an environment in which athletes are having fun, highly motivated, trying to improve, giving maximum effort" and involved in such good relationships with their coaches that there is a willingness to listen and to learn.

Everybody agrees that winning is extremely important but the researchers have demonstrated empirically that reducing anxiety and improving performance gives a team the best chance for success. Often these coach trainers use what they term "the positive sandwich." Instead of getting angry and expressing frustration when somebody makes a mistake, effective coaches find something positive to say about the play, follow this with specific technical instruction for improvement, and end with encouragement. I don't know if this would work with Tiger Woods or within the NBA. NHL or NFL but does it have relevance to life or executive coaching? Consider this:

• In coaching never forget the importance of encouragement and building trusted relationships.
• Coaching often involves giving direction and refining techniques. The answers are not all found within.
• Compared to criticism, the Mastery Approach significantly reduces dropout and keeps people involved in the game.

GROUPS CAN BURN OUT TOO

Most care-givers are familiar with compassion fatigue and burnout: periods of exhaustion, frustration, depression, boredom and apathy brought on by the constant needs of people who need help. Care-giving activities that once were motivating and fulfilling often become burdensome and pressure inducing. Several years ago psychologist Steven Berglas addressed this in Reclaiming the Fire: How Successful People Overcome Burnout.

But burnout is not limited to individuals. Small groups can burn out. So can teams, organizations, churches and even large companies. Writing in Harvard Business Review (April, 2010), Heike Burch and Jochen I. Menges, call this "the Acceleration Trap." Groups or companies start with enthusiasm and work hard to accomplish goals and fulfill their visions. But the pace keeps accelerating. I meet regularly with the former lead singer of a group that kept pushing to make it in the competitive music world. The more they succeeded the more the pace picked up until the band burned out and disintegrated in a whirlwind of pressure, conflict, and exhaustion. In the HBR study of over 600 companies, the push to keep going led to reduced productivity, efficiency, morale and commitment. Sometimes these companies (like some churches) started with an exhilarating, adrenalin-fueled ride that led to success, visibility, constant change, and exciting new opportunities, until exhaustion and emotional fatigue took over.

HBR suggests strategies for breaking free and preventing future group burnout:

• Stop the action and look at all that is being done or attempted. Remember that God does not call any individual or group to do everything.
• Revisit the group's mission and strategy. Eliminate activities that do not support the group's core purposes.
• Decide how the group should make decisions and set its goals. The point of goal setting is not to pile up projects but to focus the group's action, attention, and energy.
• Terminate projects in people-sensitive ways. Emphasize the projects' good points. Acknowledge the contributions of those who worked on the projects. Clarify reasons for cutting back or changing direction.
• Take regular group-wide time-outs when the pace can be shut down while everybody takes a breather and regroups.

RETHINKING POVERTY

Last year, World Vision President Richard Stearns published a much acclaimed and sometimes sobering book titled The Hole in Your Gospel. As I expected, the book is a challenge toward a more balanced (more biblical) gospel that calls people to faith in Christ but also commits to tangible acts of compassion and love, especially toward those who cannot help themselves. Stearns does not send his readers on a guilt trip but he argues that many churches (maybe many counselors and coaches as well) are focused on their in-church programs or personal careers and largely oblivious to issues like the poverty that Jesus so often addressed.

The book reminded me of a recent letter from Edgar and Gladys Guitz, two remarkable people who work with those that struggle to eke out an existence living in the Guatemala City dump (www.pottershouse.org.gt). Most of us are not placed in that kind of environment but God has surrounded us with different types of poverty that may not get noticed or addressed. Where do each of us or our churches serve best in helping others face the following eight kinds of poverty, each based on research by Edgar and Gladys Guitz? Sometimes these are all in the same person. At other times one or more appear in the people who come to our offices or sit in our congregations.

• Economic poverty: Lack of resources
• Spiritual poverty: Lack of relationship with God
• Intellectual poverty: Lack of access to accurate knowledge and mental stimulation
• Physical poverty: Lack of health or access to medical advice and treatment
• Relationship poverty: Lack of close family, friendships or church support and interaction
• Isolation poverty: Lack of connection with a civic or other community
• Emotional poverty: Lack of love or ability to feel or express appropriate emotions
• Life skills poverty: Lack of self-control and/or the ability to manage day-to-day living.

Does (or should) this stimulate any fresh thinking, attitude change or plans for action in you?

RESILIENCE COACHING

Crises and disappointments are inevitable during times of rapid change. Careers, businesses, ministries and relationships can sink, especially if we let bitterness, discouragement, or fear pull us down when hardships strike. Deeply ingrained beliefs and habits can sap our energy and keep us from acting constructively, according to a Harvard Business Review article on adversity (January-February, 2010). Often we fall into a dark cloud of deflation or a victimization mindset that leaves us feeling hopeless, helpless or wronged.

Whatever the initial reaction, we need to counter adversity with resilience: the capacity to respond quickly and constructively when crises arise. This involves controlling ourselves but often includes what the HBR authors term "coaching resilience." Pep-talks rarely work long-term and neither do ongoing expressions of empathy and reassurance. Instead, effective resilience building and coaching includes the following:

• At least initially, avoid analyzing what went wrong, who is to blame, or whether the crisis could have been prevented. Resilient people, including managers and coaches, move quickly from analysis to a plan of action.
• Adopt a collaborative approach, working with others to develop an inquisitive, interactive environment that stimulates options and possibilities.
• Ask what specific steps can be taken to have an immediate and maximally positive impact on the situation. Let the answers emerge from the discussion instead of giving directions.
• Focus on what you can control and on how the breath and duration of the crisis might be contained.
• Determine what people, strengths, and resources are available or quickly attainable to help.
• Visualize what the situation might look like on the other side of the crisis.
• Ponder what the leader you most admire would do in this situation.

I wonder if the folks at Toyota have read this article.

A footnote from Gary: For some time I have had concerns about the format and direction of this newsletter. We're working to make it more reader friendly and interactive, hoping to have a new plan in place soon. In the meantime, to respond please post a comment below.

LEADING IN TIMES OF TRANSITION

Last summer, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown met with his colleagues to map out Parliamentary programs for managing the global financial crisis in his country. The process undoubtedly involved analyzing the situation, crafting a vision, and developing strategic plans to implement a remediation program. "In the meantime, offstage, increasing numbers of Labour Party members in Parliament were text-messaging and talking with each other on platforms such as Facebook with an entirely different set of narratives than those being spoken in the onstage world. The Internet had created a world with multiple channels of almost instantaneous communication where conversations outside the public discourse were shaping the outcomes of people's lives."

This example is from Alan Roxburgh's fascinating new book Missional Map-Making: Skills for Leading in Times of Transition. Roxburgh argues that many maps (traditional ways of doing things) no longer work because the environment is changing. The people we lead are like crowds in a huge Middle-East market. They communicate simultaneously, sometimes in different languages, developing ways of thinking and doing business that no top-down leader can pre-determine or control. Focusing on the church, Roxburgh notes that the old linear create-a-vision then build-a-strategy approach, imported from business and technology, doesn't work with people who are flexible, interconnected and committed to taking ownership for their lives. 

In graduate school I learned that "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." That is a cognitive map that worked when life was relatively stable and when top down leadership and education were the norm. That does not apply any more.  In times of transition, unpredictable change and exploding interconnectedness, we need new life-maps and models for leadership, ministry, and caregiving. These should be consistent with biblical principles and scientific data, but aware of the transitional world where we live. Otherwise we remain talking among ourselves about how things need to change, using the same familiar linear maps or models, failing to realize that we are shrinking from relevance. Maybe we need more people like the Old Testament leaders of Issachar who "understood the temper of the times" and thus knew the best directions to go (I Chron. 12:32).

INTERACTIVE TEXTBOOKS

Big changes are here if you are a student who reads textbooks, a professor who assigns them, or an author who writes (or wants to write) almost any kind of book. A February 22, 2010 New York Times article describes "textbooks that professors can rewrite digitally." Already it is possible to buy e-book or "print on demand" editions of textbooks that are constantly updated because writers can add or change content at any time. Fewer will be the appearance of new print editions every few years; new editions now can appear as ongoing updates. And with increasing frequency books are becoming interactive. Readers can connect digitally with other readers and with the author(s) at any time. Some of my academic friends say this will not happen but it already is happening with books and even with professional journals.

When I read a new book I am interested in the content but equally interested in the ways in which the material is communicated. Last week's letter described the content in Chip and Dan Heath's book, Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard. But look at the format. This illustrates some of the emerging changes in publishing that future authors will not be able to ignore. The authors of Switch:

• Tell a lot of stories
• Use examples that easily relate to readers
• Use imagery that connects (such as "The rider and the elephant" to illustrate left brain and right brain influences on change)
• Cite numerous research studies that are described in understandable language
• Reinforce their ideas repeatedly through the book
• Provide a one-page downloadable summary, easy to carry in your pocket
• Accompany the book with a website.
• Provide short podcasts that apply the book's principles
• Give user's guides (maybe similar to the old study guides) that assist in applying the book's content.
  

Sadly the book is not accompanied by a blog that lets readers respond. Surely that will be more frequent in the future. I tried this in this website and blog, designed to accompany my coaching book,

MAKING HARD CHANGES

About three years ago, brothers Chip and Dan Heath published Made to Stick, a NY Times best seller that described "why some ideas survive and others die." About three weeks ago, the Heath brothers followed up with Switch: How to Change Things when Change is Hard. This is a story-driven, engaging, practical book beginning from the well-known differences between the right brain and the left brain. The book calls these "two different systems - the rational mind and the emotional mind. The rational mind wants a great beach body; the emotional mind wants that Oreo cookie." The book describes numerous research studies and shows how change most often follows a process. To add clarity the authors use creative imagery about a rider, an elephant, and the path on which they move.

• The rider is the rational side of the brain. It sets goals, makes plans, and develops long-term strategies for turning visions into reality. The rider takes the lead for making change happen.
• The elephant is the emotional side of the brain. It is instinctive, comfortable with things remaining the way they are, easily distracted by instant gratification, not budged by logic or long term goals. Also the elephant is bigger and stronger. The rider plans out a diet, the elephant undercuts the self-control and will-power by going for the chocolate cake.
• The path is the situation or setting where change must occur. There may be obstacles, entrenched habits, traditions, or resisting people that get in the way of change.

Here's the book summary: "When change works it tends to follow a pattern. The people who change have clear direction, ample motivation, and a supportive environment. In other words, when change works, it's because the Rider, the Elephant, and the Path are all aligned in support of the switch." At first this sounds simple, but the argument is well-documented and the book is a fresh look at change and how it happens.

Here's a postscript. This book is a model for the way book writing is changing. See next week's letter.

THE PORN EXPLOSION

"Pornography is moving from an individual and couples' problem to a public health problem, capable of deeply harming the emotional, sexual and relationship well-being of millions of men, women and children.... Some experts believe that an epidemic of porn use is society's newest and most challenging mental health problem." These are words from a special issue of Psychotherapy Networker (November - December 2009) that focuses on "the porn explosion" and how counselors are reacting. The lead article describes one writer's move from being a sex therapist who urged clients to view pornography to a believer in the widespread harm that porn is causing.

On the week when the Networker arrived in my mailbox I was reading a sobering new book by Wheaton professor William Struthers. Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain shows how experiences with pornography contribute to physical changes (ruts) in the brain. With every exposure to pornography the neural pathway deepens and, along with neurotransmitters and hormones, becomes the underlying physical reality of many male brains and sexual experiences. The process is easily set in motion, difficult to stop.

In contrast, "by intentionally redirecting the neurochemical flow, the path toward right thinking becomes the preferred path and is established as a mental habit." The corrupted pathway in the brain can be avoided and "a new healthier pathway can be formed."

This shift away from addictive sexual stimuli and behaviors is difficult and rarely accomplished by simplistic answers, fervent prayer or even marriage. Firm, consistent mentoring and accountability are of crucial importance. It helps if porn users can identify and deal with the triggers to porn use including loneliness, fatigue, tension, anger, anxiety or discouragement. Determination to avoid pornography and focus on the spiritual disciplines are of great value. Some men find help in counseling that uncovers and deals with the causes of their addictions. Clearly the porn problem rarely gets resolved by individuals trying to cope on their own without help from caring others. And the problem most often persists when churches and therapists ignore this enslaving issue that has surged along with easy access to Internet sexual stimulation.

With enthusiasm and media hype, Apple Computer's Steve Jobs recently introduced the company's new iPad. A few days later The Economist magazine (January 30 issue) featured a cover with Jobs dressed like Moses and a feature article titled "The Book of Jobs."  Same week I started reading Carmine Gallo's new book The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience.

For thirty years Jobs has studied and refined the art of effective communication. A Jobs' presentation is like a carefully crafted, well-rehearsed performance that tells a story and shares a vision. Gallo's book overflows with practical guidelines from Steve Jobs grouped into three parts or acts.

• Act One: Create the Story. This is about preparation - the step that "separates mediocre communicators from extraordinary ones." In this stage, communicators determine why anyone would care about the talk. They select "one big idea" to leave with the audience, determine three or four key ideas to present, and decide on metaphors and illustrations that can be used. Every speech should pose a question or tap into a problem that needs to be solved. Then offer a solution, describe a course of action and call for action. Can this apply to church talks or to professional lectures?

• Act Two: Deliver the Experience. This also involves planning. Slides should be simple without clutter, with arresting images and never with bullet points. Plan to do something different at least every ten minutes because that's when most minds drift away unless they are pulled back by something new. Consider ways to use demonstrations and props.

• Act Three: Refine and Rehearse. Take the time to rehearse. When you speak, wear appropriate clothing. Remember that your stage presence can reinforce or undermine your message. And speak to the audience, never to slides on the screen.

Some of this is not new but it's worth pondering. Whenever I hear a speaker I watch the presentation even as I listen. As a result I learn to be better. Steve Jobs is a master presenter and an impressive model, worth watching.

MODERN MENTORING

This week I stumbled on a blog posting at www.GiftedForLeadership.com where I was caught by words from an article titled "Modern Mentorship." The 32 year-old writer, Nicole Unice, argues that "perhaps mentorship has to move beyond structured systems and canned questions." Mentoring involves at least two people, one of whom, usually (but not always) the younger one, wants to spend time with a wise and trusted teacher or friend who is more experienced or knowledgeable. Depending on their personalities, some people like using structured mentoring books and programs but that's not for everybody. Here are some subjective observations about twenty-first century mentoring:

• Many younger people are starved for mentors, especially mentors who are "real," down to earth, willing to listen, flexible, open to sharing, and available.
• Mentoring is not age related. It can involve people at any stage in life.
• The best mentoring may involve hanging out together, talking about life, discussing issues as they come up, giving and receiving encouragement, but not focused on trying to meet the mentor's predetermined agenda.
• Effective mentors learn from the people they mentor. Earl Creps describes this well in his book Reverse Mentoring. I prefer the idea of journeying together because it seems more relational, reciprocal and less hierarchical.
• Mentoring usually involves trusted mutual relationships but not always. Sometimes our best mentors are book authors, public speakers or long-gone heroes that we never met.
• Mentors lose effectiveness when they become threatened by their protégés. Sometimes mentors feel left behind as the people they mentor begin to thrive and grow beyond the mentor. The best mentors cheer when this happens, keep encouraging, and do nothing to hinder or compete with the people who have been mentored.